Game Log 16

How to Get a Head in the World
Though sleeping in (or even near) a vampire-infested forest of evil was difficult, it wasn't impossible and soon the heroes were asleep while the others took a shift watching the camp. What they saw when they next opened their eyes was completely unexpected, though!

They were arrayed on beds in a neat barracks-like room with beds along all the walls and bunked four high bringing the top bed perilously close to even the tall ceiling. Fortunately, only Aud was on a top bunk while Mankar was sprawled on a bottom one with his legs and arms dangling over the sides haphazardly. He sat up suddenly from surprise, damaging both his head (and the bunk above him). Several moments of heartfelt cursing followed as the others got up from their mattresses in a more calm fashion.

Around the room were scattered numerous reading stands, though none contained books. The room outside, however, more than made up for this lack! Endless rows of books, scrolls, tablets stretched out of sight following gentle curves rather than straight lines. More than one person could read in a lifetime, no even TENS of lifetimes!

Mantis said dryly, "I seem to have made a mistaken and woken up in Astra's dreams. I must remember to apologize in the morning."

Ryala blinked, "What are you talking about? There's no way anyone would dream about..." She glanced over at Astra and saw the avaricious look in the scholar's eyes. "No, wait, I'm wrong. This is her best dream!"

The others shared this consensus and Astra didn't argue as she agreed with them. "This is Lankhar Mhy's library. If we're here, he must need to speak to us."

Mankar stood (after getting off of his bunk) and gently picked Aud and put her on the ground as she seemed hesitated when climbing down the dozen feet to the stone floor. "I could have done it by myself!" She insisted.

He shrugged and grinned, "Who said that was for your benefit?"

Ryala sniffed, "What's that smell? Is that... goat? A lot of goats?"

Closely following the unmistakable scent came a creaking of wooden wheels. Very, very large wheels.

Around the corner came a very odd sight. An eight foot tall goat with a dispirited expression on its face was pulling an equally large wooden cart. The vehicle was nearly a mobile bookcase in and of itself as the sides had many places to store document not to mention the inner surfaces also had more shelves. Really, it was more like a mini-library that someone had added wheels onto. Atop it sat a old man with an impressively long beard. His expression declared that not only was he smarter than you, if you failed to achieve enlightenment merely by listening to him, you must obviously have the intellect of a rock. A particularly slow and stupid rock, at that.

The old man looked down on them (in more than one way). "What's this? A group of brilliant scholars, coming to embrace wisdom with sharp minds and glad hearts? Or the usual bunch of half-witted riff-raff that couldn't even shelve a book properly much less read it?" He held up a hand. "No, don't bother to answer. I'm Lankhar Mhy and my knowledge so far outstrips yours that I feel myself getting stupider just listening to you trying to form what you laughingly call thoughts."

Astra, not put off at all, kept glancing around as if she was already planning what books to grab the moment she had permission.

The god sighed and asked, "So, who among you is stupid enough to marry my future high priestess here?"

Aud objected, "Marrying Astra isn't stupid... she's a fine woman and anyone would be lucky to have her!"

Lankhar Mhy rubbed his head. "Sex is necessary, theoretically, for the continued existence of the species. Marriage is just an insane distraction from scholarship! Relationships, dating, matching towels... bah! Foolish time wasters!"

He stroked his beard, "Still, you are here because, unworthy as you are, you might be useful in some small way and I'm going to do my reluctant best to force you beyond the bounds of intellect you all suffer due to pedigree, upbringing, and repeated brain trauma." He cleared his throat. "So, your slovenly collection of huts that you call a village will be destroyed soon because I traded the knowledge of its location to Buseram."

"WHAT!?" The cries came out from all the assembled. Only Astra managed to ask, "Why did you do that, Master?"

"Buseram is a poser and a thief but he had some useful tomes that I didn't have access to. I got quite the haul!" His far-off gaze returned to the heroes. "But you'll be reprieved if you get married. I'll leave the details of that to you. Try not to let animalistic passions and customs distract you from important things.

"As for the rest of you, you may each ask one question and fight futilely against your limitations. Hurry up, though, as I only have infinity to work with here."

After a quick consultation, they each spoke and learned of various things. Mantis was told to go to the Pits of Glamour to learn of the Red Moon's history and how to potentially change it. Mankar learned that dragonewt high warriors had a special attack that always struck the head of the victim, disregarding armor, and was excellent against vampires. He was disappointed to learn that it took several decades to learn. Ryala got a recipe for a potion that would increase her speed dramatically (though temporarily) but would permanent damage her body or mind. Lastly, Aud got advice on how to make her vampire burning net.

Mulling over what they had learned, Mankar quipped, "We should make that potion and use it against our enemies, ha ha!"

Lankhar Mhy either didn't find this funny or not worthy of mention at all. "So, in exchange for my beneficence, each of you will submit, in writing, a detailed account of the drug-addled debauched party known as the Corroborree. I could find the information directly, but I refuse to sully myself with... that." He waved his hands and they all began to glow. "Until finished, you'll all glow with the light of the Red Moon. So I recommend that you accomplish your task quickly! Since we've used the dog-whipping stick and a treat is indicated now, I will grant you knowledge of your choice when completed as an incentive!"

The heroes were stunned into silence only broken by Mankar after a few seconds. "I think I have what you require, oh mighty Lankhar Mhy." He handed over a sheaf of paper where he had been making a journal to practice his writing skills. His sister, Tia, had insisted as his handwriting was, at best, atrocious.

"While even chickens would look down on this, I will accept it." The glow faded from the warrior and he suddenly gained knowledge of the Lunar empire as if he had always known it.

"Well, that's done. Don't bother to thank me, as your appreciation is worth even less than you know. Now go!"

(next day)

With that they woke to a misty dawn!

The runelord was looking down at them. "That must have been some dream you were caught in. At first I though it might be some trap of the vampire lord but my spirits said no. I trust you are better now?"

Mankar rubbed the reddened spot where he had broken a bed with his head. "After a fashion. We have information that might be of use against the vampire. In order to confront him, we'll have to enlist the aid of some dragonewt great warriors we know."

The man frowned, "If you knew them, why weren't they helping us?!"

"One of their number had gone mad in the village. Do you think Garhound would have allowed them on this quest?"

"That is a reasonable point. Well, then, what can they do for us?"

"In addition to their fighting prowess and strange magics, some of their warriors can instantly crush the head of their target. I'm tired of vampires turning to mist and just leaving everytime we fight them!"

"Ha! Well said! Let's go find your lizards and sally forth!"

They discovered the dragonewts had acquired some huge 3-horned lizard-like beasts and were tearing down the forest one tree at a time. The rather confused explanation was that if all the trees the were gone, there would no longer be a forest to impede their way or aid their enemies. Once again, the dragonewts point of view, especially of time, amazed the humans.

Still, in the end, they were convinced that it would be easier to simply kill the vampire and worry about the forest later. The train of creatures, both lizardish and human was quite impressive as they stomped their way through the forest, permanently clearing out the dead and petrified trees in a straight path to the unbeating heart of the dead land.

An ambush by elves, even greater than before, was foiled by dragonewt magic, providing a shield from the missiles. The retaliation for that attack quickly drove off the fungus elves!

Another pair of vampires came for another parlay. Rather than asking for Vivamort's gifts back, they said they would halt all hostilities, give gifts and future boons in trade just for Astra herself. Negotiations quickly halted as the melee began! With the help of the dragonewts, they were not only dispatched but one tried to escape in his mist form.

Mankar bellowed, "Can fire affect them like that?"

Mantis and Astra said simultaneously, "Maybe?"

"Ryala!" He pointed at the mist.

Taking the hint, she blasted one with a pillar of fire causing an unholy shrieking to come from the 'mist'.

Mankar nodded, "That's good to know."

Their next challenge was presaged by the creaking of very, very, very large bones. Strange skeletons, nearly 20 feet tall if an inch!, tromped through the dead trees toward them. Their skulls were large enough to swallow a small man and their massive legs made them deceptively fast despite their size.

While human (and even dragonewt!) attacks proved futile, the three-horned beasts were more than a match fighting the great boned monsters! One was critically injured though and let out low moans as it sank toward death. Aud, moved by its pain, said, "I think I can save it but it will take all my strength."

"Do it. Not only did it fight bravely, we may need it later!"

She nodded and healed nearly all its injuries but fell into a profound sleep, only saved from falling to the ground by Mankar's quick reaction. A comfortable resting place was created on top of the very beast she had just healed and the journey continued.

The forest grew more oppressive by the yard and Ryala wondered aloud if being a powerful immortal was worth it if you had to live in such a depressing place.

Astra was about to respond when she alone sensed an invisible presence behind her... and it was going for her throat!

She threw up her hands and they barely blocked a wickedly sharp wire that would have neatly encircled her neck. The spell cast on her at the same time was resisted against all odds as the assassin was much stronger than she was. A sharp tug caused her lose 3 fingers but preserved her life for a second longer. She focused on a special magic to fight thanatari assassins but her disordered state of mind causing it to fail!

The perfect ambush foiled, the assassin vanished, resisting all attacks upon him!

While Mankar cursed and scanned the forest for any signs of the headhunter, Ryala used her axe's magic to fix Astra's bloody finger stumps and reattached the severed digits.

Mantis said mildly, "I suspect the vampires REALLY don't like you."

"Brilliant! What was your first sign?" She flexed her healed fingers and was grateful that everything seemed to work properly. This was her page-turning hand!

"Ah heh heh. Maybe I should scout ahead mystically? We've been getting ambushed a LOT and..."

Mankar held up a hand. "No need to belabor the point, we're convinced. Go and return safely!"

Mantis's spirit drifted over the blighted land. In some ways, it was much easier to see as the mist didn't block his senses but it was worse in others in that the foul presence of the high vampire warped everything on the mystic plane. He found the source of a red glow ahead and, if he had had a body, he would have startled in fright!

The Lunar that had dogged their steps for so long was talking to an enormously oversized vampire. It was far larger than Mankar and radiated power and a foul majesty. He didn't waste a moment and turned to flee but was pursued immediately by evil magicks! Only by burning every ounce of his carefully horded power did he manage to escape their clutches. He raced into his body and jumped immediately to his feet. "We have to leave... now!"

He told them what he saw as everyone turned and left... the others trusted his judgment enough not to press for an explanation before retreating. The greatness of their foes became more and more clear as they set their sights back on home. They were obviously not strong enough.

Yet.

(In a side note, the Orlanthi runelord agreed to marry Astra, well pleased by Lankhar Mhy's gift for a wife that required no maintenance.)

-Party discovers that HE was the one who caused the Vampiric stupidity